Half Boxes of Holiday Cards
Releasing the Guilt of Unfinished Projects and Celebrating the People on our Unsent Lists
I have a curious mixture of relief and guilt after the annual holiday season.
A part of me is glad that I no longer face the pressure of opening gifts I might pretend to enjoy. And after all the sugar-fueled insomnia that accompanies holiday indulgences, my body thanks me for returning to truer nourishment and less dessert.
Yet that half box of holiday cards sits there still, reminding me of what I didn’t get done.
In recent years I’ve begun buying cards that have a general holiday greeting on them. This way I can honor the fact that not everyone celebrates the same holidays. And I KNOW that I never get them done on time. Never.
Can’t I just accept this by now?
Get a box of 10, and give up the thought that I’ll do what my Mom used to do every year!
But this intention lingers, and my boxes of 20-25 cards get half done. Sometimes they get used for thank you notes after Christmas opening occurs. Why not? They are still relevant if I complete my thank you cards by New Year’s Day, as Mom taught me was proper.
Getting a card with a greeting like “May the season surround you with beauty” can be sent any time, really. Though the ones with a snowflake on them are best sent BEFORE mid-January (my conscience whispers). 😆
Today I find myself looking at the card box and wondering: Is it worth it to send a few more to folks for whom I intended to write longer notes? This is the reason they were not sent, of course. Never enough time to “do it right.”
There’s nothing more annoying to me than receiving a card that just contains a signature. No note. No acknowledgment that this was anything more than an exercise like what we used to do for Valentine’s Day in elementary school.
Did you also have a rule that had to give Valentines to everyone in the class?
Looking back, I understand why the teachers wanted us to do this. I can empathize with students that may not have received Valentines otherwise. The class bully, the awkward shy kid.
But signing only your name on a mass-manufactured greeting card feels wrong to me. Of course, it’s an indicator that someone thought of you. But didn’t they have time to at least write a sentence or two that were meaningful?
Ah, there’s my hangup then!
I want to write meaningful things to the people who receive letters from me. I don’t want to waste the precious time of the mail delivery folks when I lazily sign my name only.
There’s a typed “family and friends letter” and card received from someone dear to me, sitting on my shelf. I haven’t bothered to read it yet. I tell myself I will, when I have time to focus. It could have been an email. But then I definitely wouldn’t have read it, of course.
These are “brag letters,” as my family used to call them. Listing their accomplishments and those of their children usually, very often with pictures.
Why does that bother me? Do I resent others’ success? Do I feel comparisonitis? That little voice telling me I didn’t do enough last year?
Oh, ugh.
Yep. That’s it.
Because that’s what I think EVERY year. Starting around age nine…
The year turns, and I commit to reading more books next year, or “doing better” in some vague way. I observed my mother, aunt, and grandmother resolving to lose weight in the year ahead, still high on the sugar of the holidays.
I noticed the adults resolving to “do better” at something. And all the goal books say you must be specific. Failure to plan is planning to fail, they exhort.
What does it mean to do better? What would I like this to mean for 2024?
Maybe it’s forgiving myself for the half box of unfinished holiday cards. I still haven’t figured out what to do with them yet. Do I recycle? If there’s glitter on them, are they even recyclable?
Do I stop the habit of buying these cards? Stop wishing I were someone else, a better someone who would take time to write to friends and loved ones?
Can I feel self-compassion knowing this intention was one part social conditioning, one part optimism, and one part time blindness?
I still want to connect with many of these people on my “unwritten card” list. Do I buy Valentines instead?
When we live to nearly a half century, if we are lucky, with many friends and connections in our lives, these lists grow. As I realize this now, I feel my body and heart soften.
What a blessed thing to have too many people on my list that I appreciate and love! So many people that I don’t have the energy for my perfectionistic urge to write each one a letter.
My loves: thank you. Thanks for being in my life.
I send energetic wishes to everyone on the “unsent” list, check boxes drawn in front of their names to help me remember which were completed. And the intention to transfer these to my online address file (also not completed year after year).
Is that enough?
Yes.
Today it is.
Maybe 1-2 more cards will go out. It’s hard for me to let go of the “waste guilt” for buying more cards than I need. More books, more food, more clothes than I need.
What if I could forgive myself for over-indulging?
What if I could recognize the conditioned gluttony of a culture that tells us we aren’t enough, and certainly don’t (yet) have enough?
Instead of chastizing myself for my foolish optimism, I choose to dwell in gratitude for my abundance of friendships.
Dear Ones who won’t receive a card from me this year: please know that I love you.
Also I wonder:
What’s on your heart this year? What’s been your favorite recent experience? How would you like to stay connected in the coming years?
Take care and be well.
Oh yes. The cards with just a signature. I get many now that are just a family photo, that they shared on Facebook in July. No signature. Just a picture I've already seen.
Like you, I ONLY send cards if I write a few thoughtful sentences. Otherwise, what's the point?